I decided the other day to try my hand at poetry. And well what you are about to read is a result of it. See what ya think, its pretty serious for me and depressing but know that I am emotionally stable.
my self portrait
discouragement.
Oh the pain of discouragement. Discouragement is the worst emotion I think.
It’s so hard to get over because all you need is a little self-esteem, but that is the one thing you are in lack of.
Right now that’s what I am feeling discouragement.
And sometimes when I am thinking, just thinking to myself, that’s when I start the wonder, if I will ever feel encouraged again. I wonder if I’ll ever be as happy as I was before everything. happened
If you call it happiness…
What is happiness and why is it so great? How do you feel happiness?
I mean I know what’s it’s like to be fake happy underneath everything you are a caged beast planning your escape.
Do I know what it’s like to be happy? You’re asking me?
Sometimes I think I see happiness, you see well there is this boy…
Do you want to hear about him? Are you sure?
well he makes me feel all warm and special and maybe happy?
There is just something about this boy that’s unique. His eyes glow like two little lights when everything else is dark. And when his mouth moves my stomach ties up in tight knots. Then when he laughs the knots are loosened by my melting heart.
So what’s the problem, why am I this beast inside ready to attack the next person to past.
Can’t you see, don’t you understand to him am just another girl, to him I fade away the second I leave his present… I fade away the way that old picture on your wall that’s sits in the sunlight to long. You know something, the last to fade … is the smile.
Everyone says my smile is contagious. It might be contagious, but that doesn’t make it memorable
To him I am nothing.
So, you ask, how do I become something? Do you think I would be here if I knew?
But I think if I become something, anything really, then maybe that‘s when I can find this thing called happiness
Until then I am just a picture on the wall, staring at nothing in particular, with the sun slowly glaring down on me
just watching me,
just waiting for the day
when my smile finally fades away
So I better find happiness because this time when my smile fades it might be for
eternity…
Oh the pain of discouragement. Discouragement is the worst emotion I think.
It’s so hard to get over because all you need is a little self-esteem, but that is the one thing you are in lack of.
Right now that’s what I am feeling discouragement.
And sometimes when I am thinking, just thinking to myself, that’s when I start the wonder, if I will ever feel encouraged again. I wonder if I’ll ever be as happy as I was before everything. happened
If you call it happiness…
What is happiness and why is it so great? How do you feel happiness?
I mean I know what’s it’s like to be fake happy underneath everything you are a caged beast planning your escape.
Do I know what it’s like to be happy? You’re asking me?
Sometimes I think I see happiness, you see well there is this boy…
Do you want to hear about him? Are you sure?
well he makes me feel all warm and special and maybe happy?
There is just something about this boy that’s unique. His eyes glow like two little lights when everything else is dark. And when his mouth moves my stomach ties up in tight knots. Then when he laughs the knots are loosened by my melting heart.
So what’s the problem, why am I this beast inside ready to attack the next person to past.
Can’t you see, don’t you understand to him am just another girl, to him I fade away the second I leave his present… I fade away the way that old picture on your wall that’s sits in the sunlight to long. You know something, the last to fade … is the smile.
Everyone says my smile is contagious. It might be contagious, but that doesn’t make it memorable
To him I am nothing.
So, you ask, how do I become something? Do you think I would be here if I knew?
But I think if I become something, anything really, then maybe that‘s when I can find this thing called happiness
Until then I am just a picture on the wall, staring at nothing in particular, with the sun slowly glaring down on me
just watching me,
just waiting for the day
when my smile finally fades away
So I better find happiness because this time when my smile fades it might be for
eternity…
2 comments:
A gut-wrenching poem, Meggie! I am a big fan of using poetry to give form and substance to one's confusing swirl of emotions. Keep at it. The more you freewrite, the easier it will be and the better your poems will become.
Two more thoughts: first, the stinging angst of being lonely in my middle teen years still burns bitterly in the memory. I would not go back to being a freshman or sophomore in high school for anything. (Well, maybe for 10 billion dollars, but no less.) Just hang in there. Enjoy life now, but know that it will get much, much better in the next few years as you grow into yourself, your personality, and your extraordinary capacities.
Second: if you are looking for "happiness" from a boy or a teacher or a book or a song or a film or a group or anything else, you will always be disappointed. There is a void within all of us, a longing for meaning and love, that can never be filled entirely by another person. That yearning, I believe, is an innate longing for God, and steered in the right direction, it can guide you to Him. Left to run wild, that longing will drag you into insubstantial relationships and transient belief systems that, in the end, are sure to disappoint. They disappoint, because NO ONE and NOTHING can fill that endless void, except they be eternal themselves. Even the cutest boy in the world or your future spouse cannot, by himself, cannot be that. Your relationships will be much more meaningful if you first love God and then love yourself. Then you can always have happiness, because it is not dependent on any external factors.
"Remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation . . . a sure foundation whereupon if men build they cannot fall." Helaman 5:12
Hang in there, Megan!
Why so depressed Meg? Isn't there something to be happy about. How about the fact that Harry Potter is going to shave off all of his hair in the fifth movie. I read it on-line.:)
Ad
Post a Comment